


Sucker Punch

by captainflintsjacket



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, James Kirk/Reader friendship, mom issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-29 23:09:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20444117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: I was having some serious self-doubt, so I wrote this as a way to make myself feel better. That's catharsis, baby!





	Sucker Punch

The ship was quiet. Most people were sound asleep in their bed or at their consoles, waiting for the next shift change. Even the normal hum of the engines seemed quieter tonight. The only sound around you was the dull smack of your fists against the bag in front of you and the sharp grunts and pants from your mouth as you swung again, hoping somehow it would help ease the chill in your gut.

The door to the recreation room slid open behind you, but you stayed focused on the bag, ignoring Jim as he called your name until he was standing beside you. Even then you couldn’t look at him, afraid of what he’d see in your eyes. Afraid he’d see just how broken you were feeling.

“You didn’t come to bed.” You didn’t look at him, holding a hand out to stop the swing of the punching bag instead. “What’s wrong, Y/N?”

“Nothing,” you snapped too quickly. You pulled your arm back and struck the bag again.

Jim watched as your swings grew harder. “Oh yeah,” he said, “You’re definitely not upset.” You said nothing, silence falling again as you reeled your arm back and let the sound of your punches fill your head like a heartbeat. “I take it you don’t wanna talk about it.”

“No.”

“Then what do you want?”

“I want you to leave,” you said, voice low and strained with effort. You loosed a particularly hard swing, sending the bag flying.

Jim caught it before you could, standing behind it to hold it still. He nodded for you to continue, so you picked up your fists again and tried to ignore his stare. You swung once. Twice. Raised your arm for a third and dropped it, knowing this was getting you nowhere.

“I just want her to be proud of me.”

“Who?”

“My mom,” you said, trying to loosen the wraps on your hand.

“She is,” Jim said as he stepped around the bag to grab your hands before you could tear the wraps off with your teeth.

You scoffed. “Yeah, sure. You should’ve heard her when I told her about the promotion.”

“What’d she say?”

You finally met Jim’s eyes as he slipped he wraps off your hands, feeling suddenly vulnerable. When you speak, it’s like you’re a child again. You shrink under Jim’s gaze. “Nothing. She asked if I heard about the storms back home. Said 20 people died, and I should be thinking about them not myself.“

Silence falls again, earnest and true this time. Weighed down by the magnitude of your grief. Jim fumbles with words, trying to find the right ones but knowing this wasn’t a problem he could fix. He held you instead. His arms wrapped around your back, fingers spread wide trying to rub tension from your muscles as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. He held you for a moment - a moment that felt like forever - before he finally spoke.

“I’m proud of you.” A whisper on your skin that traveled down your shoulders, down your arms, down your whole body until you were wrapped in it. “I’m so proud of you.”

And like that you broke. Four words you’d waited your whole life to hear. Four words that had driven everything you’d done, pushing you to be better in school and at work and at every single thing you did. Four words that had transformed from a goal to a ghoul haunting every step you took as you tried to be what your parents wanted - tried to be someone who would make them proud. Four words that you would’ve fought the entire Klingon army to hear, and all you could say back was:

“Thank you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
